The Light Within

Part of this journey of finding myself was to find my true center. We often use the term center when referring to “centering” oneself, such as when we ground ourselves. I often have to ground myself back into reality of what really is, back into the truth and into my center. Centering oneself is to connect to the place within that I’ve referred to as the light and peace within, that we feel when we meditate. We relax and experience our internal self, by feeling this light within, as we focus our attention into our heart, which for many of us is our center when we meditate. It can be our center throughout our daily lives as well. I expand on the term center here to go beyond this internal part of yourself that is your eternal light, to encompass all that you are… it is your truth, that you live by, and the love that you are. It is your authentic self, and all of your thoughts and feelings and emotions revolve around it. To find one’s center is to discover who we are and believe in oneself, that being the truth that we find within that surpasses all the conditioning and societal rules that we had been brainwashed to live by, but now we question and rise above by living by our own truth… the truth that we can feel is right for us inside. When we come to this place, we find a new peace, there is less pain and suffering and we are able to love, and let love in.

For a long time I had struggled until I found this place of peace. While recovering from a difficult past, I found that I had been addicted to a different kind of center, one that revolved around darkness, full of fear and doubt and self-blame, and it caused me suffering. Although much of this was necessary for a time in order to process my past, there came a point when I realized I was continuing to suffer because I was basically off-centered, I wasn’t myself. All my thoughts and feelings had revolved around this center, like the planets orbiting around the sun, receiving their energy from it. If the center is the source, and all our thoughts and feelings revolve around it, then we want it to be one of love and peace, we want it to be aligned with that true place within that is our light, our soul, and by such, it is our connection to God or one’s Higher Power.

During the time of darkness, I didn’t believe in myself and fell for all the past conditioning, judgments and perceptions of others, and all other false beliefs that came from my past trauma and hardships. I finally realized that these were just my experiences and not who I truly am, and that I owe it to myself to stop identifying myself with them (without denying anything of course), forgive myself and love myself, by finding myself again. Sometimes reality and our true nature is more complicated and we try to simplify our understanding of it, but in doing so we create ideas and beliefs that limit or hurt us. I had to overcome this and understand there is a greater truth to everything, and just find and stay in the light that I felt was true and right for myself within. No one else can tell us what this is. From here, I could find myself again and live accordingly. Once my self-perception cleared up, so did my thoughts, emotions and behaviors and my life could change for the better.

Now I try not to fall into rabbit holes of the mind that are based on fear and doubt, and beliefs that do not fit me. My mind can take me to all sorts of wild places, but when I stay centered in my truth, I can stay in love and in peace while still exploring and navigating anywhere I want. It’s a new kind of freedom, from a new kind of center. I’m still learning how to understand and navigate my emotions, rather than dismiss or fear them, to let myself feel and know that it’s just my inner guidance at work. That which I had thought was negative because of difficult emotions turned out to be alright, it was only my negative way of thinking about it that gave me painful emotions. As I navigate to find the way of truth for me personally by using my intuitive feelings within, I come to find peace in it.

There is so much that can come from living this way and I am grateful to have started to learn to center myself in my own authentic truth and way of living. I hope we all can, because it makes living out of love so much more possible and truly enjoyable. The true source of love resides within you.