This bog is a collection of my personal experiences as I go through a spiritual process of recovery and healing. I have been in a period of spiritual exploration and expansion, as I have had in other periods in my life, and I am curious to share and see what others experience. It has been a process of figuring out, exploring questions to find and bring meaning and purpose to life, and connecting everything I learn to my life, myself and those close to me. I see what I can manifest to bring the best experience of life, which for me is one of freedom and joy.
I wanted to start writing as an avenue to express my reality, both the internal and the external, or that in the world with others. As many can probably relate, I have found it difficult to express or translate what goes on internally, I have always been a private person. I feel like I live on different levels, the one in the world you see, and one in my mind that people don’t know as well. This period has been especially difficult but exciting as I have been challenging myself and my beliefs and working on exploring and expanding my consciousness in new ways. Most importantly, it is finding ways to turn around my life into one that I can live free, happy, and meaningfully, and use it to help others.
I am learning to turn the hardships in my life into learning experiences and ways to help others by seeing the gifts they gave me; I am learning to see and thus experience the universe in a new light. The universe that for the majority of my life was experienced in a difficult and often traumatic way has over the years turned into something magical and spiritually based. I am in a process of trying to find ways to similarly help others who have had similar experiences to mine with trauma, addiction or alcoholism, or just wanting to find a better way to experience life in general.
ABOUT ME: I grew up in two separate combined families, as my parents divorced when I was young and both remarried. There were many hardships growing up between family disputes, however there was also a lot more love to go around with an extended family. Between these families, I was exposed to and practiced Eastern and Western religions and formed my own way of spirituality that included devotion to Jesus, Sai Baba (Indian spiritual teacher), Buddha, and more, and many other teachings and practices, and work with my own guides. I was a competitive straight A student and continued to UCONN in environmental chemistry and french. I worked professionally for years, but the partying from school turned into alcoholism, which turned into addiction. I struggled with alcoholism and addiction for years, in and out of rehabs, each time trying to rebuild a new and different life for myself. I know God does not judge, because despite the worst times and awful mistakes, He was with me always, and I was still guided and helped through these experiences, and finally to recovery. I realize there are no mistakes, we experience exactly what we need, for whatever the reason we came here to experience them, or whatever purpose we have in life. I became the mother of two beautiful children, Christian and Alexander. I am currently taking classes to support others in recovery and working towards starting education in transpersonal psychology.
Once I decided to move forward with my life with deeper meaning and understanding, in a way I could heal and then help support others in a similar process, I received the help and guidance I needed. What helped is realizing our true potential is much greater than what we have led ourselves to believe, we are capable of being so much more that we allow. Knowing we are loved unconditionally by God and the universe, we deserve to love our entire self, all parts of ourselves, and to allow ourselves to receive this love as it continually comes, as it does no matter what we do. I didn’t have to remain stuck in a place of suffering or self-denial, the universe was waiting to guide me to a better understand and use my potential to do this work. I began to allow myself time to reconcile these fragmented parts of myself and my experiences, to make sense of them and give meaning to my life. I opened myself up to this loving universe, and to truly perceive it as such, it allowed me to relate, understand, and truly love myself. God created us perfectly as we are, in a perfect universe, we only learn to start making judgements of ourselves and what is good or bad. I don’t believe God would put anything into existence if it were anything less than perfect, so why not love ourselves as we are, see ourselves and life in a better, beautiful light? I find I can put my intentions out into the universe, stay openminded and receptive to receive the information that comes, and pay attention to the meaning behind my dreams, thoughts, interactions with people, and life experiences. I could begin to see the meaning in everything that came about, and the more I analyzed and explored my day to day experiences, the more information I could receive to help me with me heal and to answer my initial questions or intent, and the more I did so, the more it kept flowing in from everywhere. So, I put the intent to heal and expand my consciousness, and these fragmented parts began coming to my awareness through dreams, signs, and messages from guides. I made the effort to figure out myself, why I do what I do, and how the universe works, and stayed connected to my guides to do this work.
The Light Within 