The Light Within

This morning, I was reminded of some events in my life I wanted to share, because it relates to previous thoughts about how our perceptions and beliefs effect what we receive from the universe, and how we receive. It often feels like what we perceive is what we receive. I have had low points in my life with a negative self-perception that cut me off from others, and it held me back from openly receive the love from the universe that is always available and coming to us. Whereas other periods, when I was at peace with myself and self-love, I was open to receiving amazing and abundant gifts from the universe, as I allowed myself to experience this universal love to a fuller potential. I experienced a consistent flow of love and care from others in new ways that confirmed for me the truths about the universe. We tend to accept and receive the love we think we deserve.

If you watch Panache Desai in the mornings (Call to Calm), he reminds us that which many spiritual leaders and gurus, including Jesus, have taught us before, the truth that we are always worthy of love, God loves us unconditionally, as we should for ourselves and for others. We are infinite divine beings in an infinite universe of divine unconditional love for us all. This concept of a conditional relationship, with ourselves and even God, in which we are judged and have to earn love and acceptance, to be worthy to receive God’s abundant love and guidance, is only a fictional idea we taught ourselves. This idea even shows through interactions with others and the conditional relationships we have. If we have such experiences, it’s because we believe this for ourselves; change these limiting beliefs and open to a new experience of love and joy. We can block ourselves from receiving this light and love when we hold onto judgement and negative views or ideas of ourselves and the world, feelings of unworthiness, etc. We only hold our own selves back from fully experiencing (and expressing) our limitless potential and unconditional love that the universe is giving us. I am always brought back to this truth through amazing spiritual experiences even at the worst times. Instead, can I flip this idea around to belief I am worthy, inherently good, and allow myself to give and receive love unconditionally, allow myself to experience this abundant love and care.

Those times where I was connected to this abundancy of the universe I was both experiencing gifts from others and just perceiving more kindness and care than usual, anywhere I went, with strangers to the workers at Dunkin who were extra kind and gave us free donuts… just small gifts that added up but experiencing the love from others on another level. Whereas times when I closed myself off and was bitter perhaps, I only seemed to receive this from others as I only allowed it for myself, I didn’t feel worthy or accept more from people.

During a couple recent meditations, I was brought back to childhood experiences to understand where certain struggles began for me, from experiencing fight in the family and things I was told about loved ones and even myself that led me to question people’s intentions. Including my own intentions, and doubting myself and my worth, as well as the love I was receiving from others. Certain family members had negative perspectives of the world and others and I was taught this early on, and understanding these origins helps me realize they are not valid truths for me, just the judgements and ideas of someone else. They no longer fit my and my experience in this life, and I am working to let these go and move onto a loving world where I can trust people, and see us all as inherently good, which holds truth.

I had one experience long ago in a hospital when I was admitted in my early addiction, before I took on the stigma and pre-conceived judgements and ideas from others of what it means to be an addict. I wasn’t in denial, but basically did not identify as an addict with the idea that it usually brings to people. I still felt value and love for myself, and this was reflected in how I was perceived and thus treated at the hospital. The staff cared for me, brought me gifts, and told my family I wasn’t their typical addict. I was still open and receptive to being cared for because I still cared for myself, knew my worth, and thus was able to freely care for and love others. It was just interesting to see how our feelings about ourselves really impacts how we are received by others, how much love we allow ourselves to receive, as well as give to others, and shape our perceptions of our experiences.